


Woke Up New

by orphan_account



Category: Black Sails
Genre: F/F, Femslash, OH so much sadness, Sadness, Sex, break-up, post- episode III
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-11
Updated: 2014-02-11
Packaged: 2018-01-11 23:00:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1178978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eleanor and Max are over. But that hardly means things are done between them. (Set after III.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Woke Up New

**Author's Note:**

> (Based off song by The Mountain Goats, not entirely fitting but definitely a sad break-up song: "On the morning when I woke up without you for the first time, I felt free and I felt lonely and I felt scared, and I begin to talk to myself almost immediately. Not used to being the only person there")

Flint and his crew were taking her with them. Bloody hell, Eleanor Guthrie was a lot of things she knew. She was everything her father never bothered to be, she was nothing close to a real 'lady' and never would be and she could certainly hold her own when she absolutely had to. She had bruises and scars from living here, a cut running down the backside of her thigh from a man's dirk when she'd told him to 'fuck off' and yes, many times had felt the hard cut of Vane's hands from the times he'd hit her. But she didn't consider herself a pirate.  
  
Vane was coming too. Rackham was captaining The Ranger. As a matter of fact, Eleanor was sure Rackham was captaining The Ranger just as much as she was sure John Silver could be trusted to come along as a human treasure map. Oh sure, fucking wonderful.  
  
At nightfall they load the ships and quickly the different crews disperse to start things running. The wind is chilly and the salt in the air bitter at night and everything makes her nervous. No Mr. Scott makes her nervous, Flint makes her nervous, her father makes her nervous. She's about as steady on the seas as a dying elephant and far from ready to leave Nassau behind.  
  
Their eyes meet once and then Eleanor looks away, she feels that jolt in her stomach again. It hurts to look at her, to see her, to be near her. Eleanor remembers people leaving - oh sure, people had left all her life. But she doesn't know what this is. She'd never had to deal with them  _coming back_. Max didn't look at her again. She could still see the cuts and bruises all over her face from nights before. Eleanor always thought there was a part of Vane that was pure monster but when she looks at Max's face, one she used to caress at nights and kiss in the mornings before leaving--   
  
She for once wonders if maybe she's the one who is monstrous.  
  
*******  
It's strange to go without a word to either Max or Vane. She doesn't make a habit of spending time on their ship either, but some nights Max comes to the Behemoth to keep the men company. She creeps away as quietly as she came.  
  
One night while she is sleeping - Billy posted at her door which she'd let go. Been too tired to argue with Flint about it. She hears murmuring coming from behind the walls. Billy's voice and another's. She sits up and slips the blanket away.   
  
But when the door opens, it's Max and a belabored Billy tracking after her.  
  
"Do I look armed?" Max's accent accurately portrays all the sarcasm in her voice. Billy blankly shakes his head and Max stares between him and Eleanor. She hasn't looked her in the eyes since the night she joined Vane and Eleanor feels a restless trill in her limbs. She looks at Billy and nods.  
  
"Please...Billy." She says.  
  
Billy grunts then slams the door behind him. Leaving her and Max alone for the first time in weeks.   
  
"I--"   
  
Max walks through the rest of the room and puts a hand to her lips, not covering all the way but firm, " _I didn't come here to talk."_  
  
Eleanor feels her body move as she is pushed back against the bed. Max pulls her body on top of hers and presses their lips together, in a way that is not soft or gentle but pushing. Eleanor kisses back, almost manicly eager to show that she wants to do this again. She moves to put her hands on Max's back and rubs circles across the skin she hasn't touched. She's careful because she notices more bruises, newer ones. And Eleanor wants to kiss those too but Max grips her hands off her back and moves them away.   
  
She whines in return but doesn't try to move her hands back again. Max presses her fingers her hair, tugging her head towards her.  
  
"Vane had fun telling me about your last night together," Max says, scraping her teeth against Eleanor's bottom lip. She whines again and tastes blood on her tongue. "I'm glad he got what he always wanted... an easy woman only looking for what's in front of her."   
  
" _Max--_ "   
"But as I already said I didn't come here to talk..." Max moved her hands from her head and trailed them along her body. She pushed and kneaded wherever she pleased and whenever Eleanor made a noise or a moan, moved her hands away just as quickly. Max leaned down and pushed her sleeping gown away from her legs. She knew she already...er...well ready down there but Eleanor had never been self-conscious about that before. Not with Max. And really not with Vane either.  
  
Max hissed out words in a language she couldn't understand. But her voice always had said more than her words ever did.  
  
"I think we should ta-" Eleanor tried to say, but she stopped her talking once Max put one finger in. Max trailed around the skin lazily. She leaned down to kiss again and it hurt but Eleanor didn't try and talk again, just let Max guide her with her mouth and her finger. Max moved back and stared into her eyes:  _"I want to hear it."_  
  
"Hear what?" Eleanor's own voice had grown rougher and sounded strange to her own ears. Max put another finger in and Eleanor's mind went a little hazy. She tried to move her hands to Max's hips but Max took them off again and pinned them roughly to her sides for a moment before returning to her ministrations. Her eyes barely moved from Eleanor's in the process though.  
  
" _I don't love you._ " She sped her fingers up and then slow, painfully slow. Eleanor tried to hitch her hips closer but it only made the woman remove her fingers completely.  
  
Her heart was racing in her chest  _and_ all she wanted to do was touch Max.  
  
"Say it." Max repeated, voice dark.   
  
Eleanor decided to try to move her hands, only one more time. She moved them slowly and then touched Max's face. She saw it soften a little and Max's eyes, as hard as they could be when she was pissed off or furious... she knew what Max looked like then. She looked at her like she used to look at her ("Oh Eleanor...") and how she'd used to trust her. Her whole "sex and just sex" charade was dissipating just a little.  
  
"I can't... because that's not how I feel." Eleanor whispered back.  
  
"LIAR!" Max shoved her hands away and stood up.  
  
She hunched her back towards the wall and because she'd moved closer to the window, Eleanor could see the faint light from the moon outside on her back. More bruises and cuts. Eleanor stood up too and tried to adjust her skirts back. She went to touch Max but Max stepped away again. Hurried, like a cat.  
  
"Max..."   
  
"You are a liar, Eleanor! And not just to me-- not just to Vane, or Flint --  _but to yourself!"_  She hissed out. Max wiped tears from her face and shouted again, "I didn't come here because you fucked Vane. I knew you'd fuck him again. But I came because I am tired--so tired-- of fighting and fucking and I wanted to wash it off of me, for a night. And fuck you, Eleanor Guthrie! You don't get to have everything you want."  
  
Eleanor wiped tears away from her own eyes.  
  
"Max is my harbor," Eleanor whispered.  
  
Max stared at her.   
  
" _Max...please..._ " Eleanor took feather-light steps towards her and put one hand, just one hand to Max's face and when it looked like the woman, the woman she'd never be able to  _make it up to,_  to be forgiven by--looked like she'd allow it, Eleanor wrapped her arms around her. She held onto her tightly until she felt her breathing and heart rate slow. Eleanor moved a hand to Max's hair and moved it back and forth soothingly.  
  
She wasn't good at comforting people. Yes, Eleanor was pretty sure she was absolute bullshit at romance or with anyone she thought could leave. She held onto Max tight and prayed for once that she could be someone else's anchor. She was shit at it. But she wanted to try.  
  
" _I don't deserve you're forgiveness._ But I can't say I never loved you and I can't just not touch you," Eleanor said it as honestly as she could.   
  
"You certainly don't,"   
  
"You're the best person who ever loved me." Eleanor wiped more tears from her eyes and then turned away. She could barely hear the footsteps as Max walked away and out the door.   
  
Just her and Billy again.

**Author's Note:**

> woo, thanks for reading guys! Hope this isn't as dramatic as I think it might of come off as... oops.


End file.
